


I Ponder Of Something Terrifying

by TheWalkingDeanisnotonfireHaus



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel is a Sweetheart, Dean Has Issues, Dean is Not Heterosexual, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Sam Knows
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-26 11:51:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6237499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheWalkingDeanisnotonfireHaus/pseuds/TheWalkingDeanisnotonfireHaus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Humans do, Cas. They- If they knew that I, uh, am into dudes, I'd be looked at differently."</p><p>"I could never look at you differently, Dean Winchester. When I look at you, I see the most beautiful soul. And I'm sure that your brother could never stop looking up to you no matter who you love."</p><p>"Uh, thanks, Cas."</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Ponder Of Something Terrifying

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of my first fanfictions and my first story on this site so bear with me. This is obviously not beta-ed so all mistakes are mine. Corrections are appreciated <3 
> 
> (Title is from Car Radio by Twenty One Pilots)

It was just a normal salt and burn case, so why is he acting this way?  
Dean's driving him and Sam back to their motel room, but the thought keeps on entering his mind. Who cares that there were two dudes kissing in front of him? It shouldn't ruin his day. But he feels this strange pit in his stomach even when he thinks about that. He guesses that it's disgust, but he knows it's something much worse.  
_You wanna cry about it, bitch?  
Want to go kiss your boyfriend nighty-night? You know, Casti-_

"What's up, man?" His brother breaks him out of his thoughts.

"Nothing, just thinking." Sam eyes him curiously.

"About what?"

"Do you think the waitress had the hots for me?" Dean grins as Sam sighs, annoyed by his brother's inability to answer seriously.

"No, but the waiter did."

"What the hell, dude?"

"What's wrong with a guy checking you out?"

"Um, maybe the fact that I'm not gay?"

"Sure," Sam quietly grumbles.

"Are we seriously having this discussion right now? I'm not into fucking dudes."

"What if it's the other way around and they're fu-" Dean turns on the radio, silently thanking Led Zeppelin for the distraction as his brother gives him the bitch face.

****

_His skin burns. His flesh is being sliced off. It hurts. Why can no one hear his screams? Why can't he move? A figure walks towards him. It gets close. He sees its knife. Its smile. Its eyes. All he sees is red._

  
He bolts up, sweat and tears (though he will never admit it) dripping from his face. As he tries to regulate his breathing, it's brought back up by the sound of a deep voice.

"Hello, Dean."

Of course it's that damn angel.

"What the hell are you doing here, Cas?"

"You were in distress. I came as soon as I could."

"Thanks, man, but it was just a bad dream."

"I'm speaking of earlier today. Your thoughts got very... Destructive."

"Shit, Cas. Samantha is sleeping right next to us. Can we talk about this outside or something?"

"Of course, Dean."

They go outside near a bench and they stand in silence for a short while. Dean's caught off guard by Castiel pushing him against a wall, and not in a good w- _Whoa gay thought go away._

"I rescued you from Hell, just for you to go back again? Why would you think that you're going back?"

"Whoa, Dr. Phil, who said anything about me going back there?"

"You said, repeatedly, that you are going to hell for being a fag. I do not understand how being a bundle of sticks correlates to you going to Hell."

"No, Cas. It, um, means that. It's um, a guywholikesguys." Dean coughs in hope to get the awkward tension out of the room. It doesn't work.

"Homosexuality is not a sin, Dean. Is that why you were so unsettled by the gay couple you helped for the case?"

"Do you enjoy stalking people?"

"You need to understand that you are not your father," Dean gives Castiel a questioning look.

"What are you talking about?"

"Your father didn't agree with homosexuality, and he taught his children that it was wrong, did he not? My father, however, does not judge humans based on their sexual orientation."

"Humans do, Cas. They- If they knew that I, uh, am into dudes, I'd be looked at differently."

"I could never look at you differently, Dean Winchester. When I look at you, I see the most beautiful soul. And I'm sure that your brother could never stop looking up to you no matter who you love."

"Uh, thanks, Cas." The human risks a glance at his- the angel and regrets it. His eyes, as blue as the clearest ocean, are staring at Dean, like he's the most important thing in the world.

_You gonna kiss him, faggot? Have fun back in hell. Disgusting. Freak. Monster. Your father never loved you, your brother never loved you, and Castiel sure as hell doesn't love you. You're broken. You're beyond repair. No one wants you. Why don't you just e-_

"Dean? Are you alright?"

The most logical thing to do is to kiss him, so that's what he does. He practically falls into Cas and sends his lips flying into the angel's. There are no words to describe what Dean's feeling. It's something that will always be inexplicable. Dean pulls away, eyes wide and his fingers touching his lips.

_Did I just kiss an angel? Not just an angel, but a dude angel? Holy shit I liked it am I gay no I'm not I like women and their breasts and their curves but I like guys and their biceps and their facial hair and their deep voices and oh god I'm sorry dad I don't know what's wrong with me I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm-_

"Dean." His eyebrows are raised in confusion.

"I-I didn't mean to."

All he sees is red.  
Dean is straight. Dean doesn't like men. Dean likes women. Why is he like this what is wrong. He can't breathe oh god what's happening he hears his angel's voice but it's so far away come back where is he going he always leaves his lungs are on fire it hurts.The world goes black.

****

Dean cautiously opens his eyes and the first thing he sees is a surprisingly clean trench coat. Why is he watching him sleep?

"Good morning, Dean."

"Where's Sammy? What're you doing here, man? Not that I'm not glad to see you."

"Your brother said he was going to get breakfast. Do you not remember last night?"

"What are you-" _oh god the kiss oh god I liked it oh no what is wrong with me how could I have done that why? is-_

"Dean, your breathing is escalating. You need to calm down." Cas grabs Dean's shoulders and gazes at him in what seems to be an attempt to steady his breathing. It only makes him panic more.                             _I like guys. I really really like guys. Cas looks really hot right now holy shit he's angelic I wants to touch him and kiss him and grab his hair and- fuck it fuck everything so what if I'm a little gay I'm going for it._

"Can, uh, I, um, kiss you?" He tries to make the question seem normal, but asking an angel of the Lord to make out with you isn't exactly brought up in everyday conversation.

"Of course."

He presses their lips together and pulls Cas towards him. He falls on top of him and their chests are touching and their hips and oh god it feels good. Cas is tugging at Dean's lips and Dean is tugging at Cas's hair. The angel's hands traveled up the hunter's chest, making him whimper. Their groins grind against each other erratically. Dean's thoughts are silenced and all he hears are his angel's moans.

"Not into dudes, huh?"

Dean quickly breaks off the kiss and stares in horror at his brother. He's holding what appears to be their breakfast in one hand and blocking out the sight in front of him with the other.

You know what? He is into dudes. As his brother leaves the room, he looks into his angel's eyes. And now, all he sees is blue. As blue as the clearest ocean.


End file.
